Eating Jam out of the Jar

I've never stolen packets of jam or jelly from a restaurant and then hidden to eat to contents like Jennette Fulda a.k.a. PastaQueen admitted in her book Half-Assed, a Weight Loss Memoir. I have, however, been known to stand in my kitchen and eat jam right out of the jar. That said, I know I have a long way to go before conquering my food addictions—and this week is Thanksgiving. Thursday will be an excuse for me to eat far more than what I need to keep myself alive.

Although I'm getting better at turning down food when I'm not really hungry, I am still tempted by a table full of delicious food. One fortunate thing since I had the gallbladder surgery is that I can't eat a lot without getting sick. So that helps me keep some of my appetite under control. But I really need to have a plan. Just like I need to have a plan to get through life—I need one for making it past the buffet table. Anyway, I'll be working on that for the next couple of days.

I had the oddest dream over the weekend. I was trying to call 911 and couldn't. I kept pressing the wrong numbers. But then I was finally able to call only to be greeted by a recording—"All 911 operators are currently busy." Seriously. I can't even get help in my dreams.

So that's it until later. . .have a wonderful day.

So He Peed on the Floor

Made it to the gym again. I've been tracking my exercise minutes on Sparkpeople. I go to the gym, then rush to work so I can add the minutes to my tally. Since I've been tracking them, I'm up to 300. Not too bad.

I've been nauseated since yesterday evening. I don't know why. I wish I could go home, but I can't. I've missed so much work already. Last evening, I just laid around. Caleb kept whining to go out. I didn't pay attention to him, so he peed on the kitchen floor. That's what I get for not listening to my pup.

I think I'm losing weight but I don't know for sure because I haven't been on the scale. I decided I don't care if I lose weight for now—I just want to get back on my feet. Even though I feel better than I have in a while, I still have days—not unlike the past two days—where I don't feel so good. So I'm not going to give myself "just one more thing" to worry about.

One of These Days

Made it to the gym again this morning. I feel more energetic. I'm still working out on the elliptical. I'm trying to work up to going to the spin class again. I will—one of these days.

Life is still full of surprises. Of course, I like good surprises better than bad ones. I'm waiting for a good one.

I wish I had some great revelations today—but I don't. I'm just working toward a better life. And I'm praying for my girls.

So the plan is to get back to they gym five days a week. Two down, three to go.

P.S. I just read a headline that said: "Baby Safe after Being Trapped in Washer." How does that happen?

Wishing on a Star

It's a new week. I made it to the gym today. I did about 40 minutes on an elliptical. I walked for about 10.

I don't eat anywhere what I used to eat. So the diet is still OK.

I'm still broke.

I still pray for divine intervention—I pray for my girls and for answers everyday.

I still wish on a star.

I still believe in miracles.

I still have faith.

So that's where my head is at.

If It's Tuesday. . . .

It's Tuesday.

Well, I'm back to the gym on a somewhat regular basis. In the last six days, I've been there four. So, that's saying something. And the diet is slowly getting better.

I pray everyday for some kind of divine intervention. I'm tired of struggling through life like it is. If I had the financial means to retire, I would.

I have a motivational saying on the wall in front of me at work. It says, "Motivation is what gets you started. habit is what keeps you going." —Jim Ryun. I'm trying to get back into the habit. I still can't believe I was sick for almost a full year. Where is the fairness in life? Ugh. At least I felt guilty this morning for not going—then wished I would've gone despite the sinus headache. So that's good. Making excuses for not going doesn't seem like such relief anymore.

I'm going to start doing some writing for Suite101. I already have a couple of people lined up to interview—a personal trainer and a registered dietitian. So be looking for those stories soon. I'll let you know when they're published. I'm looking forward to writing something other than environmental issues. It should be fun.

Music

Fighting the Fight—Again

I got up and went to the gym this morning. I walked for about 30 to 40 minutes. I just walked. I didn't try to over do it. No lifting weights. No running. No using machines. And I feel OK. The pain that I would usually get during exercise didn't manifest itself. I think I'm actually on the mend—this time for sure.

I got on Sparkpeople again to track my exercise and food.

I'm just trying to get the will to fight the fight again. I know you all know what I'm talking about. This year has been such an emotional and physical roller coaster. Now it's time to heal.

Mind Over Food

I saw an ad that said, "How to convince your mind to stop overeating." Well, now that's intriguing, I thought.

My mind game would probably be something like this: "OK now mind"--this is me talking to my mind now. "OK now mind, you've got to stop craving so many foods that bad for me like cake and cookies, and stuff."

"But I want to eat the cake now. Look at it. All chocolatey frosted. I can already taste it. Hey check it out. I'm making the taste buds water. You can't stop it now mind. Once the taste buds get ready to taste something, it better be there ready to be tasted. Oooo, this is gonna be so good."

And then bite. That's what would happen next.

So if anyone has been successful in the mind over food approach, please let me know.

And the Final Diagnosis

Chronic cholecystitis was the final diagnosis on my gall bladder. Apparently its weird little abnormally was genetic--you know the duct that was too narrow. I had a moderate amount of sludge in my gall bladder, and it couldn't squeeze itself out through the narrow duct--causing increasing pain and inflammation each time it had to do its job. It would only have gotten worse. Thank God I found these docs in Uniontown, PA. They took immediate action because they recognized that it was my gall bladder that was causing all the trouble. Thank you, thank you, is what I have to say.

Sorry docs in Morgantown, just standing around doing nothing would've helped.

One thing I would like to mention. The doc was floored at how quickly my surgical wounds are healing. I say it was from all of the exercise that I'd done for more than two years. My skin was getting plenty of oxygen. Two of my incisions are almost fully healed. The other two are still sort of sore, but nothing like what I expected.

I think that anyone considering surgery should make exercise a priority. Or maybe you should just exercise anyway. You'll be healthier in the long run, and when things do have to get you down for a little while--it won't be so bad. You'll heal up quicker.

I'm feeling much better today.

I'm A Slug

The weather has done me no good. My sinuses are killing me. That combined with the constant tiredness from the surgery has made me into a slug. I've done nothing but sleep over the past two days. When I'm awake, I feel terrible. How do I get myself back?

P.S. I'm really looking for inspiration.